Camp at Pegasus

Now the situation in IT industry seems to be improving and every company started their team building activities. My company is not an exception and decided to take us to Pegasus. I haven’t heard about this institute earlier, but it seems our group has gone to this place few times earlier. This time they planned it in the weekday so that they can avoid many absconders.

I was expecting a resort kind of a place where we can go and play some small games and then swim in the pool for rest of the day. But the guys who traveled already said it’s like a military camp and no swimming pool and all. Because its mandatory I have no choice -:(

First Day

On first-day evening, 27 of us started around 4:30 pm from Cisco campus in 3 vans. Why 3 vans? Can’t be one bus? No! Bus cannot go into that narrow roads… added some excitement!!! In between we all stopped for a coffee/tea in the road-side shop near Yelahanka. We finally reached the Pegasus after 3 hours 30 minutes journey (for 60 kms) and also10km roller-coaster ride in the end.

Place had a military look in everything... very serene, lot of tress, and all plants trimmed… including guys in the place. We were guided to our Tents... Yes! We have to stay in the tent only (8 beds in a tent)... so we occupied 4 tents. After refreshment we met the Pegasus coordinator and who set some ground rules for us for the next 2 days.

We had a dinner with camp fire (food is a highlight of this place. very tasty!) started with our introduction…each one of us has to introduce the other person. Someone started talking about my blog and it went on to the discussion of how I came up with that formula! I also got some interesting questions like 'how do you justify the love at first sight with your formula?'

Around 10.30 we went to our camp, and outside the camp we gathered to play the game Mafia (this game seems to famous game in top universities in US), but I was playing the first time. The rule is simple few mafia guys would have entered the village and start killing the villager. Villagers have to eliminate those mafias. In a group of people there will be 30% mafias and rest will be villagers. During the night time mafias gather and will kill one villager (so mafia knows who are the other mafias) and during the daytime they will act as a villager. In the daytime villagers has to gather and kill one person who they suspect as mafia. Villagers don’t know who are villagers or mafia.

If villagers they decide to kill someone, the person identified to be killed can justify why he is not a mafia.

We played 3 games, and in all 3 games I was a villager and in first 2 games I was killed in the beginning itself by the mafias... and mafias and villagers have one game each.

Third game was interesting one. In the end only 3 people are there in the game; me and two more guys. Now among this 3, there is one mafia and we have to identify and kill him. By mistake if we kill villager, then mafia will win the game.

Both the guys are pointing to me as a mafia and recommending me to be killed. Now I have to make an argument that why I am not Mafia and why the other person whom I suspect as mafia. I got a doubt with one person and I need the support of the other guy to kill that mafia. I made a very convincing speech for 5 mins explaining why I am not mafia and why the other person is a mafia and asked the support of the villager to kill the mafia person. Now mafia guy also made is argument and he accused me of being a mafia. Again I made a counter argument for all his arguments.

Finally the other villager accepted my argument and decided to kill mafia! There was huge uproar from the entire gang that villagers had won the game.

It was a very exciting argument! We all enjoyed and congratulating each other for winning. We hit on our bed at 1 am.

Second Day

The bell rang to wake us at 6am. Few of us woke up and had a tea and went for a morning walk to the nearby lake. After breakfast we met at 8:30am to start our Actions. 

Each action will have different teams, but all the teams should complete it within the given time and team can take help from other teams also. After each game there will be a analysis and learnings will be discussed (post-mortem.... i hate it -:(). Each one of us were given a number and mine is 27.

First action is to climb the rock. We should touch the rock only beyond certain height. Few of us lifted the guys and helped them in climbing and also while coming down. We were given 30mins to complete this task, and we completed in little over 15mins.

 

Second action is to carry the marbles and put it into the bottle in the other end. We were given a broken pipe pieces to carry the marbles and also many rules which made it very difficult to carry it. It was very much challenging for the physical ability. 2 teams finished it within 30mins and one team struggled and helped by the other team.

Third action was crossing the island with the given tools like stick and ropes. This was extremely challenging for our fitness and also the strategy...after 15mins only we figured-out that we can’t cross the island until all the groups unite and use the tools... within 45 mins all the guys were not able to cross the other side...but we enjoyed every moment of it.

Fourth action is an Australian walker... team of 7 has to walk on the plank of wood without touching the ground and move the plank along with u and walk. There will be lot of land-mines in the path and we have to carefully walk. If we hit the mine, we have to start from the beginning... this is the test for our physical fitness and our team coordination... I was leading from the front for one of the team and we did not hit the mine in our entire walk and completed 3/4 of the path in the given time... after this everyone is exhausted and it’s already 6 pm!!!

Few started playing cricket and I along with few played football.

After 6:30, all of us were tired and few of us took bath and got ready for the night trek in the mountain. Only 6 of us were ready for that and rest all said they can’t walk. But Pegasus folks said they need more people as this is a team building activity. At last we 20 people walked to the top of the small mountain in the pitch dark... along with me few guys sang a nice tamil songs.

 

Third Day

I woke up 5:45 itself and rang the bell to wake up others... few people were asking why bell rang before 6 itself -:)

The first action we had for the day is to cross the mine without touching the ground, along the poles and other structures. Rope, Plank etc.., were given as tools but which is not sufficient to cross until you use it intelligently... again this has to do with lot of strategy and physical fitness. We made lot of strategy and able to cross only halfway. But we thoroughly enjoyed it.

Last action is our favorite... building a raft and rowing it in the lake. We were taken to the lake nearby and each team has to design their raft first. Only after raft design is approved we will get the material to build the raft. Finally we got the approval and all the teams’ started building the raft. After completion the raft was inspected by the Pegasus team. All the rafts got approved after the quality check and we took the raft into the water and started rafting... oh man!!! What a amazing experience...we all enjoyed it to the core. After reaching back the shore we started swimming and playing in the water for another 30mins.

Around 4:30 pm we started back after a farewell tea. I am looking forward to visit that place again!!!

Demystifying Romantic Love!

Note of Advice:

If your love is less than 18 months or been thinking of your lover/partner more than 90% of your awake time, better not read this further. You can read it after 18 months.

What is Love?

“Love is a craving like hunger or thirst”

“Love is blyind”

“Love is God”

“Love is a feeling, emotion”

“Love is friendship set on fire”

“Complexity, thy name is Love”

….

There are multiple definitions for this Romantic Love and everyone feels comfortable to choose what they feel more appropriate to them; nothing is wrong.

Love is very powerful – love reduces appetite, people kill for love, commit suicide for love and what not

The Anthropologist, Helen Fisher in ‘Why we Love’ have shown that being in love is accompanied by unique brain states, including the presence of neurally active chemicals (in effect, natural drugs) that are highly specific and characteristic of the state.

For example the people who are in initial state of Love will have the Dopamine hormone secretion more.

Let’s not go into too much technical part of it… it will really demeans the Romance in Love.

I believe,

      Love is a choice. 

      Love is nothing more than the decision you make. 

      It’s not something that happened to you without your knowledge. You opted for it.

I agree that when you are in Love, rational thought process in your brain will be overshadowed by your romance.

It is completely weird when a man in love says woman of his acquaintance is hundred times more lovable than her nearest competitor. How it’s possible? I can’t think of anything better to explain the insanity of the romantic love.

But that’s how we live and maybe nature had made us that way so as to remain loyal to our partner for our gene propagation.

If Love is a decision or choice, then what we consider to make a decision?

I believe these are the following major factors which are considered for making our decision (not necessary all factors are applicable to everyone):

L = f(l) + f(c) + f(C) + f(m) + f(F),  always  f(L) ≥ RL

L – Love

l – Lust

c – Compatibility

C – Comfortableness

m - Money

F – Family

RL – Minimum of Love

Why each constituent has to be a function? Because each of this in itself is subtle and abstract; varies a lot for each person.

Lust - f(l):

Lust is a strong sexual desire towards your lover/partner

Why Lust is f(l)? – Each one gets turned-on by different aspects from their partner. Some gets turned-on by looks, some men turned by the long and cascading hair of their partner, some woman seeing the bald men, some with good height, some with intelligent etc..,

Men can easily feel the lust when they see some erotic movies or even when they see some sexy models/actress in tv of their liking. That lust will not last for long and he can perfectly get the same attraction with the other woman next minute.

It’s not only the physical attraction but also how good the partner on bed may also play some role. In western countries pre-marital sex is very common and hence they can choose their partner based on how good he/she in bed.

Lust is obviously subject to change over the period of time. Chemistry of attachment can dampen Lust. This is probably why men and women in long stable marriages tend to spend less time in bedroom making love.

Lust and Romantic Love are not the same. Lust alone cannot make the Love complete.

Hence,

                 f(l) always < RL

Compatibility - f(c):

Compatibility - Capability of existing or performing in harmonious

This is about the like-mindedness of the people. Same Interests, thought process etc..,

You can feel the vibe between both of you. 

Why Compatibility is f(c)? – Each one of us have different interests and thinking of likes and dislikes. Some people like philanthropic nature in their partners; some likes political views of others, science, knowledge, etc..,

But why this compatibility has to change by time? It may not be always. But there may be cases; someone was an Atheist becomes more religious and spiritual for some reason which may not be liked by the other. Or there can be more compatibility if both of them become more religious or atheist.

How a person handles the personal tragedy or emotion also can be found only later point of time. Even highly rational person can analyze the relationship emotionally which can lead to differences.

Does compatibility and like-mindedness can fill in their life with Love? I would say No. It needs more than just compatibility.

Hence,

                 f(c) always < RL

Comfortableness - f(C):

Comfortableness - A state of being relaxed and feeling no pain

If you have compatibility can’t we get comfortableness? Not necessary.  

Its very likely that couple with same attitude and thought process can end up fighting with each other always. I don’t know if two highly dynamic characters can have a sustained relationship.

Many times its more comfortable to have opposite point of view than someone with same views for a sustained love and relationship. For example if one of the partners is very much interested in career and other person takes care of the family, then they can have comfortness in their family life, which can increase their love.

This too can vary on time as the expectations keeps on varying with time. Comfortableness can sustain the marriage but not love. It needs other factors too.

Hence,

                 f(C) always < RL

Money - f(m):

When I say money it includes the fame along with the materialistic aspects.

It is very likely that the person maybe rich in initial stages of love and not later. Also when in love he would have been more popular star and later become a flopper. Also the expectation on wealth also can change over the time. The things that money can buy can make a person more demanding and hence love can be lost. On other side more money can sustain the love and relationship.

This may be one of the reasons why most of the celebrity marriages end up in divorce.

As scientists say, “Men look for sex objects and women look for success objects”

As you know money and fame alone cannot sustain the love.

Hence,

                 f(C) always < RL

Family - f(F):

This has 2 parts in it; your father’s family and your family.

When you make decision of falling in Love with someone, you may consider how good he/she can fit into your father’s family. This is applicable at least on the Indian context.

Even if you haven’t considered your father’s family, after marriage your family will play a role in sustaining your love. Your kids will play a major role in it.

Scientists say two brain chemicals Vasopressin and Oxytocin creates attachment for male-female relationships, which can be seen in happy long relationships.

In Why we Love, Helen Fisher points, “As a man becomes more and more attached to his family, levels of testosterone can decline. In fact, at the birth of a child, expectant fathers experience a significant decline in levels of testosterone. Even when a man holds a baby, levels of testosterone decrease”

Family can sustain the marriage as it is in many Indian marriages. But it cannot sustain the romantic love between the partners.

Hence,

                 f(C) always < RL                                               

If love can change with time, the above formula will be a derivative of time:

            d( f(l))             d(f(c))                d( f(C))                d(f(m))               d( f(f))        

L   =    ----------     +     ----------     +     --------     +        --------     +      ---------

                    dt                      dt                        dt                         dt                       dt

At any point of time, L should always be ≥ RL

“Romantic love can stimulate you to sustain a loving partnership or drive you to fall in love with a new person and initiate divorce”, says Helen Fisher in Why we Love

Psychologists say on an average every person fall in love 7 times in their life time.

So, if you have lost a love, don’t worry you can fall in love with someone soon.

If Love changes over time, how to sustain it and make life happier?

           “Let there be spaces in your togetherness”, advised Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet

            You should understand that expectation from your partner will change with time

            Understand the changes in your partner

            Look for a good friend and companion in your partner than mere husband-wife expectations

            Revive your love with your partner time and again. Nothing wrong in flirting and falling in love with your partner again and again